2003-11-03/8:12 a.m.

i believe him. present tense.

jon is the sweetest boy on the entire planet. he and jenn are well-matched, and im worlds of happy for them. they complement each other fabulously. some people dont understand what they see in each other, but i do. they are both incredibly kind, considerate, caring, and intelligent people. im truly blessed to have them as friends.

that uncharacteristically grateful paragraph stemmed from last nights band practice.

graham was distracted the whole evening and only played with jon and i for half an hour, at most. the rest of the time he either played other stuff or didnt play at all. he barely said two words to us, and that was when we were eating brownies. it wasnt because he was tired, as he didnt work yesterday. and saturday he was over and was quite energetic, laughing and having a great time after he had worked all day. graham was upset and jon and i couldnt get him to tell us why. it brought the energy of the band down, so we were all upset and distracted. im really worried about graham.

after graham abruptly left, i curled up in a blanket in the corner of the couch. jon sat down next to me and i rested my head on his shoulder. without realizing it, i cried silently and jon rested his head on mine. we didnt say anything for ten minutes until my mother came downstairs.

when jon was leaving, i tried to push him out the door quickly so that he wouldnt say anything. of course, he knew what i was doing, so he asked why i had been crying. i said i hadnt been, then absentmindedly wiped a tear from my cheek. cara. it wasnt a question. its been a bad day. or year. but he didnt need an explanation. he just held me while i cried. he said its going to be alright. im here for you. we ll fix everything. i promise. its alright. and i believed him.