2006-12-03/2:54 p.m.

ditto

again, with the wanting of the meds.

also, im regretting having received my flu shot. my arm hurts far more than just the 'minor discomfort' mentioned on the info sheet. the entire muscle is sore and i have difficulty lifting things. sigh. maybe it doesnt hurt much, but im just depressed so that i perceive it as being very painful. thats probably it. sigh.

i am far too clingy. i must stop calling the boy in the middle fo the night when i know that he wont answer. ..but i like hearing his voice on his answering machine. i = a big wuss.

now, back to not doing my essay. as usual. fuck.

i keep remembering that when i actually get to work i really enjoy it, as in the summer i yearned to be back at school, working and learning. but.. i am dreading the holidays, for they will either be rotten, which will make me the black sheep of the familiy as usual, but it will be familiar, or they will rock, which will make me feel like even more of a lunatic. sigh. sigh.

i wish i called my friends more, but im afraid that theyll be busy or just think that im not fun, which is probably accurate.

i was having so much fun in september. what has changed since then? bloody short days. bloody snow. bloody time passing without using it effectively.

i just want to hibernate all winter.. but i definitely dont want summer to arrive either. the prospect of finding a new job is almost as frightening as returning to my parents place and the old job with the supervisor that mistakenly believes she is great.

too much sighing. time for tea and to start this fucking essay to make dropping the other class worthwhile.