2002-10-14/10:42 p.m.

i want to be in europe with ryan corrigan

third entry of the day. im either devoted or pathetic.

i just spent 40 min on the computer to discover that i dont know how to do my bio homework at all. i only needed the computer to use my bio e-book text.

arg.

hawksley workman sounds as if hes underwater. stupid burned cd. i need real copies of hawksleys cds. all three of them. i need almost a full moon for the upcoming christmas season.

and yes, need, not want.

im selfish.

i should go do chem now. i asked vals for help and her response was something to the effect of WHAAAAAT?!? we have chem?!? WHAAAAAT?!? it was encouraging.

im pleased that after tomorrow i wont have to sit in chem class for an entire week.

im horrified that i wont be sitting in chem class for an entire week.

bollocks.

so very torches and bottles. so very.

i want to cry but ive forgotten how. to think that a week ago i didnt even stop crying to inhale. now ive forgotten how to cry.

i should be locked up in a padded room. i really should.

youre underwater now youre back where you came from/no stealing of beauty that would naturally flow from the centre of all that you are/all that you are - hawksley workman, your beauty must be rubbing off

poetry. such wonderful poetry.

if i wasnt so in love with danny in my twisted fantasy world, then i would continue to have an affair with hawksley. yes, i am aware that he likes men as much as i do. it would make things interesting. interesting, i say. more men in my bed.

i need to go back to sleep. i really do.

i need to stop living in a fantasy world in my head. i really bloody do.

but i wont and i wont.