2003-10-17/12:59 a.m.

self-loathing vs. self-love

im listening to the show, except for the song that we hadnt played in a month, for i forgot the lyrics, sang horribly, and am quite embarassed of overall. so im listening to the rest of the show, and it feels almost like a form of mental masterbation to enjoy it. well, i only enjoy parts such as grahams solos, jons bass lines, and the audiences applause. i actually almost like biggest brother and fishies, save for the lack of dynamics, which mostly my fault. but i almost like the songs. and i quite enjoy grahams untitled song. for those of you that were there, it was the second song that we played, the one that graham played on guitar and i winged a few lines of lyrics on.

im still writing my short story. im sucha slacker. i wish i could feel the euphoria of the concert again, the accomplishment and rewarding feelings due to months of hard work, but i cannot. not in this moment, anyways. i think its time to take my anti-crazy pill.

and on a side note - the boy from the spring closely resembles hawksley from his for him and the girls days in the boys display picture on msn. damn the boy and his devoted girlfriend. damn him and his offers of threesomes.

i think us bi gals really have a bad rep. or at least a promiscuous rep. not that promiscuity is all that bad, its just unnerving when such conclusions are made about you and are completely unfounded. (thinks) alright, fairly unfounded.

(repeats mantra) must not jump best friend. must not jump best friends boyfriend. must not jump best friend. must not jump..