2003-10-14/5:22 p.m.

"what, did you rip off some native persons parka?"

dear mysterious illness that still sends me into coughing fits, renders me unable to lift my head because of such extreme dizziness and naseau, gives me extreme hot flashes and cold flashes, and makes me hallucinate: go to hell. or else.love cara.

also, a friend of mine nearly came out to me today. said friend told me that they arent completely sure yet, but are probably batting on the team too. i laughed and said i never was any good at sports analogies. the friend then tried to explain more clearly but was actually quite flustered, so i stopped them, stood them still, and said that im okay with whatever they decide and i completely understand the uncertainty that goes along with discovering sexual orientation and identity. the friend hugged me and we went along our merry way.

and yes, i know that the last paragraph was incredibly gramatically incorrect. i understand that they is plural, but i didnt want to write he/she all of the time. so yes. because i respect the persons privacy. heh..even tho im posting this online. the point is that..i dunno. i really dunno.

ive become far too flirtatious with my friends, ive decided. i cant stand near dan for more than 30 seconds without touching him. his dimples are just so damn cute though.. and mikey just makes me want to hug him until all of the pain goes away. and mikes just a big puppy dog, with his floppy hair and freckles. and jon and graham are jon and graham, simply wonderful guys. then there are the girls. sigh. i flinched a little when jenn hugged me today during spare. she didnt notice the first time, but the second time she kinda looked at me funnily, as if she was reading my eyes. she then hugged me again to ensure that i was okay. i cant sit on the same side of the caf table with meghan, otherwise i find myself sleeping on her while she tries to do homework. and caitlyn. sigh. shes so bloody sweet and thoughtful.

i really need somebody new in my life on which to target my intimacy.

oh yes..dan told me far more information than i need to know about his masterbation. that being, any information at all. and, on a related topic, that british ex-girlfriend of his has really tied him into knots. i wish i could fix him without wondering if im her type. he said she would love me. thats another problem. sigh. shes doing british things in britain with british boys or girls, while dan mopes two months later. oh, dan.

im so sleepy. and sick. stupid body. my ma thinks i still have my weird consumption/pneumonia thing. i think that my mind, body, and spirit are all self-destructing because this year of high school the marks really count. all of my life people have been saying its not like the marks count right now anywayus even tho ive gotten 80s and 90s. now that it does count, im getting 60s and 70s, i think.

i hate this. i hate all of this.

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss that never lessens and always blows your partner away like the first time. What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla