2002-10-25/6:06 p.m.

wish me luck

my head bloody hurts. hurts so verra much. soon i shall see little lights and twill signal the -

bloodyhellbloodyhellbloodyhellbloodyhell.

i was about to say that the lights will signal the onset of a migraine. i stopped typing because i started seeing lights everywhere. no, not lamps. those lights in your eyes that occur when you sit up too quickly or you step outside on a sunny day after being indoors. those lights. those lights signal the onset of a migraine.

the lights have decided that just my mentioning them is not enough, that they must give a demonstration. the demonstration is rather pointless because i know all about said migraine lights. i dont need any bloody demonstration.

ack. its so like last year. ack. so like last year when i was uber stressed and i got migraines all the time. ack. so like last year when every morning i downed twice the maximum daily dosage of painkillers. tylonel has had no effect on me since january. the only thing that seems to work is ibuprofin, and lots of it. seems being the operative word in that sentence.

stupid migraines.

ive done so well this year. so far, anyways. only one or two headaches. rather, one or two strong headaches and a handful of mild ones. i barely feel the mild ones, so i dont count them. and by count them i mean tell my mother about them. she asks me every week if ive had any headaches. i tell her that i have not. once or twice i shrugged. so yes.

stupid body building up a tolerance to drugs. grr.

perhaps my increased pain threshold will serve me later on in life, say, in childbirth. for now though, its bloody annoying because painkillers do very little, other than get me to drink lots of water. sigh. sigh.

so yes - awful migraine on its way.

something just occurred to me, aside from the fact that none of you care. it occurred to me that my migraine might just be guilt.

ack. ack i say.

guilt because i, after a lengthly and pointless discussion with a secretary, got a guidance appointment to switch out of chemistry. i had a very nice chat with mr. cooke, who made me feel as though considering dropping chemistry wasnt blasphemous and that im not a horrid person just because my best wasnt good enough. he was impressed by my high school record and asked what i wanted to do with my life. he confirmed my suspicions that the only thing that i can do with an english degree is teach. we both laughed at that. because im not sure what i want to do and im interested in finding out what im not interested in pursuing, he suggested that i try the media course. we talked about other options and if i was just stressed out about chemistry and if i could do any better in it as the semester goes on. he is a very nice man. he almost makes me rethink my dislike for guidance.

almost.

i must go eat sushi and try not to cry at the restaurant while my mother steamrollers over my potential high school decisions.